“Let me guess.” I say, “You want to soar with the gods… but you have a hard time getting your feet off the freaking ground.”
She laughs. “Yeah, something like that. I mean… geez, I just want to PLAY, you know… to, umm, hit the shots I wanna hit when I wanna hit em… to… to you know, not be so afraid to… to… I don’t know… flow…” she laughs. “Yeah… you’re right, i wanna soar with the gods!”
Tina has been taking lessons for years. Outside looking in… it looks like she’s improved. She hits the ball better. Can talk the game better. But… inside looking out… she still falls apart along the same fault lines that have plagued her from the beginning.
Our waitress delivers two beers to our table.
“You should have ordered a Red Bull. Red Bull gives you wings.” I laugh
She side eyes me.
“Ok.” I say, “I get it. And… look, you can’t get there from here.”
“What do you mean?” She asks
“I mean… the idea that someone can put you on… like, some path. Shit the idea that there IS a path from where you are to where you want to be… it’s total bullshit.”
She reaches for her beer and takes a sip. “Why?”
I pause for a sec. Then choose my direction. “Can you imagine the player you want to be?”
“Yeah.” She answers.
“I mean… can you, you know, see it?”
She closes her eyes for a sec. “Yep.”
“Good. Ok so… you realize that that player only exists in your imagination. Right?”
She nods.
“That means… not only does it not really exist… it has never before existed. With me, so far?”
Her eyes dart left and right a couple times. She nods again.
“Ok. Can there be a path to a place that does not exist?”
Blank stare. This is the last thing she expected to hear. Maybe top 5 or 10 things she never wanted to hear. She takes a sip of her beer. Places her glass precisely inside one of the decorative circles on the table.
Thing is, this is all she needs to hear. No path… nothing being witheld… no one else necessary. She’s on her own. That realization would be the beginning of her sportual enlightenment. We could stop right here. Nevertheless, we will talk for another hour and a half.
I’ll explain that she’s suffering from Sport Syndrome. Think Stockholm Syndrome… minus all the messy hostage stuff. Shes been marinating in the “SHIT” story (story of how improvement transpires) for so long… she cannot imagine it any other way.
I’ll explain how human beings crave linear, logical stories.
How that need created the marketplace of sport… the sprawling multi-billion dollar worldwide business that has been selling her, and every one else, paths to “better”.
Then I will remind her that the world does not operate in straight lines.
It’s all wiggles, and windy roads, switchbacks, setbacks, and occasional break throughs. Meaning the more logical and linear the story, the more likely it’s man made, and therefore untrue.
I’ll link her to the studies that show the technique, that matters, is emergent. As in… it doesn’t need to be taught.
We’ll talk about how the SHIT story can’t possibly be right. There are no “right ways” to aspire to. No one on this earth knows how a person becomes “good” or even “better”. No one knows what “flow” or “mental toughness” or “pluck” or “grit” are… or even if they actually are. Perhaps they’re just concepts we made up to try and explain what can’t be explained. Whatever. The “experts” who promise to improve us cannot possibly deliver.
I’ll illustrate the point with golf. The golf swing is the most studied human movement. The subject of over 50 thousand books. The focus of millions of lessons. Unknown billions spent to try and buy it. And… the average handicap hasn’t changed in 50 yrs.
Then I will tell her that when the great Michelangelo was asked how he turned a slab of rejected marble into David, he answered that he imagined David and got rid of everything that was in the way.”
Tina… and you… and me… and everyone else, was sold on the belief that we need to be more. That’s an additive process. Michelangelo reduced to David. But that’s not all. Being the only person who could see David, he was the only one who could know what was in the way.
No one can see the player Tina imagines… no one can know what’s in the way of it… no one knows how to remove it… but Tina. The same is true of you… and me… and everyone else. Jeepers, there goes the entire marketplace of sport.
What are the odds I’m right and… well… basically everyone else is wrong?
I don’t know. Probably not great. So what? Haven’t you been listening? Do NOT take my word for anything! Listening to others is how you got yourself into this mess. Believe nothing… no matter who said it. Think for yourself. Figure out what’s true. You do that by eliminating what isn’t. Truth is the master key.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Everything I’ve said to Tina is to get her to take that first step. Once started, she’ll be fine. Whether or not she takes that step doesn’t matter to me. Her choice will show what she’s really after.
There are no right and wrong answers… just true and untrue ones.